Wednesday, April 04, 2012

Just Write: Expectations

Crazy Mother Nature had me too distracted to write yesterday (I live in North Texas; we were spared the tornadoes, thankfully, but spent some quality time in the closet), so I'm joining Heather a day late and just writing.

I went for a run yesterday. It had been two weeks since my last real run. I tried to run after kickboxing last week and it did not go well. I could barely finish a lap on my normal loop. It was so frustrating and defeating. I had no good reason for taking a week off from exercise and it showed up when I tried to resume my normal activities.

So when I laced up my sneakers and got outside, I started with no expectations. I would take what my body gave me, even if it meant walking more than running. I would just be grateful for the opportunity to be out there.

What my body gave me was everything and then some. I pounded out three miles feeling good and strong and powerful, only walking about three of the 35 minutes. I felt so good I went for another mile. Four miles, after no real run in two weeks!

I felt so good. I remembered why I run. I didn't get that elusive runner's high people talk about, but I came darn close. I had my music on shuffle and mostly left it alone, only skipping a couple of slow songs. I prayed for friends who needed it. I thought about things I want to write.

I gave myself permission to struggle, to slow down if needed, to just accept what was.

(smooth segue here)

I pretty much failed at Lent this year. I forgot and broke the Friday fast more than once. I reduced my online time during the day somewhat, but I didn't replace it with anything more intentional. I feel like our days were no different than any regular days. We didn't do the family Rosary I said we would. We didn't go to Stations.

I've been beating myself up about this, internally. Comparing myself to others, comparing myself to myself and past, more successful observances. And while Lent is supposed to be a time of reflection and sacrifice, I'm pretty sure Christ didn't die so that I could wallow in my failures.

He gives me permission to struggle, to slow down, to accept what is.

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  1. I LOVE it when my iPod plays the perfect playlist! I also love it when everything comese together wi exerci like that. Such awesome feelingnsM. I'm happy for you.

    I feel you about Lent. I don't on serve Lent, but I've been working this year on some things in myself. I fail sometimes too and beat myself up too. I need the reminder to slow down and be kind to myself as well!

  2. I feel the same way, almost every year. It's hard and He knows that. Your last line is very true...

  3. I love that last line (so, so very much).

    And am so glad that you're safe!!

  4. Let me share with you something that I read in Jesus Calling today: Stillness of soul is increasingly rare in this world addicted to speed and noise. I am pleased with your desire to create a quiet space where you and I can meet. Don’t be discouraged by the difficulty of achieving this goal. I monitor all your efforts and am blessed by each of your attempts to seek My Face.

    Did you get that last sentence? The Lord is watching and it blesses Him when we TRY ... not just when we succeed ... when we TRY!

    I know Jesus Calling isn't the Bible but God has used it mightily in my life to change the way I perceive Him and relate to Him.

    BTW ... thanks for commenting on my Instagram photo. I haven't figured out how to use that yet aside from taking a picture and posting it. :)

  5. oh, @Beth, that's lovely! Thanks for sharing it here!

    and @nicole, good job getting back out there. I need to do the same. Again.


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