We settled in to our seats. Or as settled as we could be, with a busy preschooler and active toddler. I was determined to not get frustrated at the kids at Mass today. Husband was playing with the band, so we would sit on that side so he could see us and keep an eye on big kids if I had to leave with little kids. Church Grandma comes to our rescue, happily taking the baby (toddler but I'm sticking with baby) off my hands for the duration of the service.
I don't want to be grouchy or tense. I want people to see me sitting with my many children and see a mother aware of her blessings. So when the noisy and busy 3 year old girl is acting like the firecracker she is I try to calmly remind her to tone it down. She finds her way to my lap and climbs up. We stand for a song. I sway the mommy sway, so automatic a motion that I don't even know I'm doing it. She lays her head down and then instantly it is right back up because we must resist sleep.
We sit and listen. She lays her head down again, this time not resisting. Another child leans in and rests his head on my side. Slowly eyes close and breathing evens and before you know it we have synchronized snoring. Bound by two peaceful babes I can't stand or kneel with the congregation. Gentle reminders to the big kids that they can still participate. A soothing hand on a back, a kiss on the head, I remind myself to stay awake.
So maybe I didn't engage the way I wanted to or should. Or maybe I did exactly what we all needed. And I was that mother looking content and at peace with the life she's been given, if only for a small time. Grace.
Linking up with Heather again. Go read more!