The In Between

Joining Heather for Just Write once again.


Close friends had a baby last night. I opened Facebook this morning and there she was, all pink and new and wonderful. My heart sighed.

"Are you done?" "Will you have any more?"

No. I don't know. Probably not. Only time will tell. Thoughtless answers. Quick responses to what is often an insincere question. Or a question that in the mind of the inquirer only has one acceptable answer.

This is a weird place, and one I am likely to be in for ten or more years. We think our family is as it should be. We trust God to guide us, or we say we do. Of course, like all men, we cling to what little control we have. We ask but we ask the same way people ask us if we are done, with an answer already in our heads.

Truly, I don't think we want any more kids (I know Travis does not and I feel the same most days). But it seems so ungrateful and selfish to just say it. To say no thanks, we're all done with that kind of blessing. So arrogant and presumptuous somehow.

So I'm in between. I'm not at that place where I say with confidence and peace that our family is complete. I'm not longing for another baby, even when I see a tiny little newborn just calling out to be snuggled for hours on end. My head and heart are getting closer, I think.

There will always be a space though, that brief thought of "what if . . . " followed by the knowledge that this is enough. This is more than anyone could ever dare ask for or take for granted. This is blessing beyond measure, bounty that will never be as appreciated as it should be, love poured out on two undeserving souls.

But I think I will stay in between for a while longer anyway.

We Need to Eat

Hello readers! I know many of you are trying to  move toward a whole food, real food diet. We are taking the babiest of bay steps to do that too. I need some advice.

We eat a lot of sandwiches around here. And there are a lot of us to eat them. So we go through a loaf of bread in two days. And bread is getting more expensive, especially since I am a little picky about our bread. So, I'm thinking about making our own. But I am a little intimidated by it, especially with trying to keep up with our consumption. So, if you make your own bread on a regular basis, please tell me how you do it. Do you use a bread machine? How much do you make at one time? Do you use standard ingredients or special flours? What I really need is breadmaking for dummies with large families!

Also, I have a recipe for biscuits, but I don't love it. I would love to learn how to  make fluffy, soft biscuits. In bulk, so that I can freeze them. So does anyone have a great, somewhat easy, recipe for that?

Please share any tips you have to make feeding my family a little easier, and maybe a little more affordable. Thanks!

The Good Kind of Noise--Just Write

Joining Heather of the EO with Just Write again!

Tonight we had the good kind of noise. The loud that is welcome and inviting and wonderful.

Football in the backyard, Daddy the all-time quarterback. Pass after pass, mostly not caught but that's okay. We laugh and try again.

"Ball. Ball. Ball." The littlest one adds his voice to the cacophony.

They clamber in to wash hands and eat dinner. Chicken and cheese nachos. Carrots on the side, to make the semblance of a healthy meal. Crunch, crunch, crunch.

Everyone talking over each other to tell a story about school. Reminders, maybe not so gentle, to take turns. We share what we appreciate about our family. We like playing together, helping with chores, patience. Blessed.

"Can we do Family Night?" "Let's play charades."

Turns are taken. Some are more creative than others. She tells us what she is before she starts. We humor her and guess anyway. A really funny interlude, that has us falling out of our chairs laughing.

It takes a little time to settle in bed. Too much fun right before bed. We let them giggle. We bask in the sounds of life.

A Bleg

I don't think I have ever used this space to ask for votes for a selfish cause. Today I am. If you do not have a child in a local school (local to me I mean) will you please go to this page on Facebook and "like" the bank? Then click on contest tab on the left and vote for Houston Elementary? The winning school gets $5000! We all know education funds are weak across the country. Our school is pretty well-off and not really suffering. But, every time we can get some extra money it helps. This covers bus costs for field trips and appreciation activities for teachers and all the extras, especially in the the art/music/pe programs. So, if you'll please take a quick minute I would appreciate it. Feel free to hide the updates from the bank or "unlike" them after you vote, but please vote for Houston Elementary! Thanks readers!

A Bad Night

I'm trying something a little different. Flexing my (nonexistent) writer muscles a bit. Join Heather of the EO to read more submissions and see what this is all about. (First link goes to first installment of Just Write, where you can see links to others. Second link is to details about the exercise.)


So much noise and energy. Our life is loud. Most of the time I'm okay with that. Yesterday I was not okay with that apparently. Even the deep belly laughs at Snow White set me on edge. Which is just plain sad. Grouchy, grouchy, grouchy. Who needs Seven Dwarfs?

Finally time for bed. I hear a lot of playing around, as I sit at my computer in my room. I have a laptop that seems tethered to my desk in my room. That's pretty dumb. I yell to settle down and get ready for bed.

Still too much laughing and playing. Why is it bothering me? I go to the kids bathroom. I yell. No real reason, a little silliness among brothers, but I guess it was not a good time. I slam a door. Crying. Not me. To bed, to bed.

Apologies. I acknowledge my grumpiness. I say I'm sorry. Still some crying.

"Mom, I'm supposed to look at the moon."

Okay, put some clothes on and let's look. Two boys go outside. "It's shiny!" And I look. And it is shiny. A boy gives an explanation. I have no idea if it is right. Science is not really my thing. We smile.

As he runs back to bed he says "I'm better now, Mom."

Me too.

Quick Takes Friday: Real Life Edition

Hooray Friday!

1. Lily started Mother's Day Out this week. It is a gymnastics center. Typical MDO setup but their playtime is in a gym. She is loving it. Currently it is only her and one little boy in the program. This is perfect for Lily because she loves attention! Here is her first day of "school" picture:

She chose her outfit a couple of weeks before school started. She could hardly wait to wear it. Her backpack is as big as she is. The cute is criminal.

2. We have a lot of life happening right now. The four school age kids are all in sports. We let them choose one sport each season. We love this part of life, but it is also a lot to manage. Lily is also taking dance once a week thanks to generous friends. Thankfully her dance class is during the day, so it does not add to the after school chaos, but it is one more thing. Wednesday religious education started this week too. When I look at our calendar I sometimes freak out. But we'll take things one day at a time and make the best of it. We truly love doing sports with the kids, despite the craziness of our schedule. And obviously religious education is important to us. So we make it work.

3. Because of #2 I have failed to make dinner the last two nights. Travis had teeth removed Wednesday and my plan was to make potato soup, but life interfered. Wednesday is a really bad day to plan a meal that requires any preparation. Yesterday I was just plain exhausted and so we had fish sticks and macaroni and cheese. Well, everyone but me. I don't care for that meal (boxed mac and cheese). Today I will make the soup. For real.

4. The internet is bizarre. Here are videos I watched this morning: Lil' Wayne, Monks chanting and praying, the Australian version of the X Factor, and then a monologue from Steve Burns, the Steve on Blue's Clues back in the day. Each video was either shared on FB or Twitter or a blog. I love the internet.

5. I have zits. I don't know why. I'm very frustrated. This might be TMI for some of you, sorry. Just keepin' it real, yo. (HA)

6. I was going to run a half marathon this December. Then I wasn't. Then Lisa and Elaine talked me into doing one after all. But I have since talked myself out of it. Did you see #2 up there? Well, add to that that I am assisting in a religion class every other week, plus trying to volunteer at school more now that Lily is in MDO, plus couple studies that I think are very important, and also trying to enjoy my husband and family and you get a Nicole who can't add one. more. thing. So, I am going to continue to workout and even semi-train for a race, but not really do one until the spring. We will still be busy but I think I can get my head in a better place by then. A large part of training for a race is mental and I just can't do it right now. I want to enjoy the training and the power and all the good that comes from it and right now it would just be stress. Boo.

7. Tomorrow is the first game in the brand new Apogee Stadium at UNT! Go Mean Green!

Go to Conversion Diary for more Quick Takes.

Lessons from My Kids

"Best Day Ever" they wrote. Monday was a good day. We had a lazy-ish morning. The weather was beautiful. They didn't mind the wind. They were happy to be outside, with their family, just piddling around. We cleaned the garage, but not with any urgency or stress. They rode bikes up and down the sidewalks. Practiced volleyball. Simple things.

My mind would drift back to those in Texas fleeing their homes due to fire. The wind was a nuisance to us, keeping us from a lunchtime picnic. For others it was a raging storm, come to destroy everything as it carried fire on its breath. I spend too much time wishing this was different and that was bigger. Lamenting a lack of space for all our stuff. The last couple of days, people are grateful for the clothes on their back and their loved ones near.

I want the gratefulness of my children. I want to delight in an unhurried day. The best day ever shouldn't be a rare occurrence, but an attitude that I live daily.

I have a lot of reasons to delight in life.